Once more unto the breach

It was a mistake driving straight from Mobile to Nashville. Nashville is great, don’t get us wrong - it’s just further north than we wanted to go during winter. After a few weeks in Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, and Louisiana we had become accustomed to warm weather. In Nashville, we were once again back in the 30’s and 40’s.

We’re kind of like wildlings in Game of Thrones. In their minds, anything beneath the wall is ‘South’ and to us, anything beneath Virginia is ‘warm’. We learned the hard way that that’s not true. We also discovered in addition to sharing incorrect notions of geography and climate, we also kind of just look like wildlings.

Catch us on Broadway

The first real Nashville destination we visited was the Honky Tonk Highway (Planet Fitness and Panera Bread don’t count). It’s a stretch of bars along the lower broadway historic district.

Being pushed and pulled in all directions through the crowd felt like swimming against a riptide. After the initial chaos, we were spit out of the swell and landed by a curb. Thankfully we were able to stand still for a few seconds and catch our breath.

All of a sudden a John Deere tractor towing what looked like a greenhouse full of ladies celebrating a bachelorette party turned the corner and stopped directly in front of us. No sooner had we spotted the ladies then they flashed everyone on the street. It was a good omen.

Unexpected breasts will brighten anyone's day, and so will alcohol. We popped into a bar and on a chalkboard above moonshine bottles was written “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start now”. The logic was unassailable - we sat down for a drink.

Basically every bar on that stretch had live music, so after a round of whiskey gingers we moved to a new spot.

Music Mecca

Everyone we met was a musician of some sort. Nashville is to music as LA is to showbiz -- everyone is trying to leave their mark. It seemed there’s ample opportunity to get stage time. Every restaurant on the honky tonk highway alone boasted live music from 10 a.m. to 3 a.m. 365 days a year. Furthermore, each venue has multiple floors, each offering different musical varieties.

Dan and I sat at a table on the second floor of a huge bar and listened to a band cranking out 90’s hits. The band was all male except for the lead singer, who was the prototypical southern belle. After their setlist concluded, the blonde bombshell walked around the room with a tip jar and made a fortune. It’d be great if Dan and I could do that after our sets, but I somehow doubt we’d have the same luck.

As the next band was setting up, Dan and I went to the balcony for fresh air. Gazing out at the street and soaking in the view was great for us, but definitely not the image the bar wanted. They would’ve liked beautiful, sexy people to dance around and beckon crowds inside. Instead, they got Dan and I -- a pair of gargoyles warding off would-be revelers by the dozen. When passersby saw us, their face and body language immediately screamed “... How about the next bar?”.

Showtime

We did a show at a dive bar on the outskirts of town. It was surrounded by an automotive scrapyard, liquor stores, and derelict buildings -- we felt right at home. As soon as the door opened we were engulfed in a cloud of cigarette smoke. I’m writing this article weeks after we were there and I can still smell and feel the grit of Pall Malls in my hair.

There were about 20-25 comics all told, and the people we met were awesome. The host was excited that out of towners dropped in, so he put us up early in the show - we were extremely grateful! We tried out new jokes and had a blast.

After the show we met a bunch of the comedians. They told us about other upcoming shows we could get on, recommended places to visit in Nashville, and even offered us places to crash. Overall just a really friendly and talented bunch of people. We loved Nashville and will definitely be back!

A rolling stone gathers no moss

The best part about constantly traveling is testing new material with fresh audiences. When you’re in a new place and no one knows you, you get unbiased feedback, which is really important.

This is different for every individual comic, but we generally give jokes three tries before we decide to keep ‘em or toss ‘em, and playing different rooms definitely helps separate weak jokes from strong jokes. Accurately gauging a jokes strength can be tough if you only perform in one city, though. There are a few pitfalls.

The first pitfall: If you’re only testing jokes in one city, you’re probably performing to the same audiences over and over again, so naturally your jokes will suffer from diminished laughs on subsequent tellings. You may have written and delivered a joke perfectly but because the same people have already heard it, their reaction (or lack thereof) can mislead you into thinking it’s no good. This can cause you to abandon good jokes prematurely based on faulty perception.

The second pitfall is almost the opposite. Everyone has seen your set but because you’re all friends, the audience laughs loudly to show support - which can make you believe a weak joke is a strong joke. Then you take that joke to a showcase or higher level show, and it tanks.

We fell victim to both of the above when we only performed in Philly -- that’s why we like to travel. The road doesn’t lie. If a joke gets nothing at three different places with three different audiences then the joke sucks. Ax it and start fresh.

Forget me not

Before leaving for Memphis we had to try a Nashville specialty called Hot Chicken. It’s exactly what it sounds like - spicy ass chicken. One of the comics said that Hattie B’s was the place to go, so we stopped on our way out of town.

Their menu offered six levels of spiciness: Southern, Mild, Medium, Hot!, Damn Hot!!, and Shut the Cluck Up!!!

Dan sensibly ordered medium, not wanting to disintegrate his entire lower intestine. I, like an asshole, ordered Shut the Cluck Up. I still remember the cashiers face when I ordered it.

Before pressing the ‘confirm’ button on the order screen he tilted his head and with an expression of grave concern asked “Are you sure?”. I almost lost my will in that moment but confirmed I did indeed want it. He completed the order with a shake of his head.

I won’t fill you in on the gory details, but rest assured Dan and I paid for our chicken more than once. If you ever visit Nashville and want a memorable culinary and gastrointestinal experience, check out Hattie B’s for some Hot Chicken!