48th runner-up

After the show in Fairfield we pushed on to New Jersey -- our second-to-last state. Being right across the bridge from Philly, everyone always responded with “What?! You’re just doing Jersey now?!”. Yep. You know the old saying “Saving the best for last”? We wanted to do the opposite.

In honesty, it wasn’t out of some bullshit state rivalry that we waited until the end for Jersey. State rivalries are ridiculous. Here’s how these things work. If it’s a North-South situation, the rivalry is about intelligence. The farther North the state, the smarter the people think they are. If it’s an East-West situation, the rivalry is about sports. Both think the other one sucks more (and both are dumb).

The truth is, we began the trip in January because we just wanted to get the fuck out of the cold. It was easy to skip Jersey because we knew it wasn’t (and isn’t) going anywhere, no matter how much everyone wishes it would. From Philly it was a pedal to the metal scream down the coast until we reached Florida.

Mistaken Identity

For most of our tour Dan rocked a beard that screamed “Allahu Akbar”. He was virtually indistinguishable from every single ISIS footsoldier.

I, on the other hand, had a beard that screamed an equally murderous viking exclamation.

I really didn’t think Dan and I could ever be confused for one another based on our looks. We don’t even almost look alike. I look like a 13th century Scotsman and Dan looks like a 15th century Sikh. We resemble one another about as much as Shaq and Peter Dinklage.

But once we returned from Connecticut, it happened. Dan shaved his beard for the first time in a year and suddenly we were one and the same. Despite differences in skin tone, facial features, height, weight, and ancestry, we learned that facial hair is the only thing preventing us from identical status.

We arrived at the bar before the show started and ordered some drinks. Dan ordered a Sprite and walked away to find a table. I then ordered a beer and waited at the bar. When the glass was full the bartender turned around, looked right through me, and then walked across the room to give Dan his (my) beer and his (my) debit card. If standup doesn’t pan out we at least have a bright future in film.

Jersey Scenes

We got to chatting with the local comics and found out all about the various standup scenes in the Garden State. They told us about the scenes in New Brunswick, Jersey City, Hoboken, and Asbury Park. Although the opinions on each city in Jersey varied, one common theme was almost everyone hated the New York scene.

That topic is too long to cover in this article but if you’re interested in hearing about what that’s like, check out this article. For now you can at least have a gif that illustrates but one of the many reasons the NY comedy rat race sucks.

Showtime

The host of this particular show was a guy we had actually known back in Philly. He had recently made the move to Jersey City and was still getting his feet wet. We talked about all the old haunts in Philly that none of us missed and it was a nice little chat.  He joked about shit he’d do as a host in Philly (throw the list out, switch up the order, etc.) that drove us insane. Thankfully he ran this show in an egalitarian manner.

We had taken about a two week break before this show, and I think our ring-rust was showing. I thought both of us were cruising through our jokes too quickly and not allowing enough time to let the audience react. It wasn’t a bad set, but it certainly wasn’t one of our best.

With the 49th state behind us we dusted ourselves off and prepared for the final show in Delaware.