Lukewarm rivals

Before leaving Sioux Falls, we wanted dirt on North Dakota - something we could use to playfully antagonize the Fargo crowd. Beyond the Dakota’s calling each other ‘the more boring one’ there really wasn’t any strife.

The comics in South Dakota openly admitted “Fargo is actually pretty awesome”. It was Midwestern politeness in action, and we didn’t like it. Coming from the Northeast, we expect hostility in all situations.

The Philadelphia Connection

We actually ran into some Philly people in Fargo. As per usual, the conversation became an interrogation from the git. We provided a ‘Philly heritage’ summary in the Mobile article, but here are the cliffnotes.

If you say you’re from Philly, you better be ready to rattle off your entire history to prove it. It’s turns what should be a chill conversation into an extremely stilted conversation. Here’s how a normal chat should go when you meet someone from your hometown in another state.

Person: I’m from Philadelphia

Dan: Oh cool, me too! So what brings you to Fargo?

Person: Business. We’re attending a conference for …

It’s never like that when you’re dealing with a Philadelphian. Here’s exactly how our conversation went.

Person: You guys are from Philly? Where?

Dan: Fishtown.

Person: Pffff, Fishtown.

Dan: Yeah, off Girard avenue. How about you?

Person: What cross street? 5th?

Dan: 3rd

Person: What high school did you go to?

None of that information is pertinent. Asking about 5th and Girard? Besides a church, there’s nothing there. Were they curious if we’ve seen the shrine of St. John Neumann? Of course not. They’re just asking questions to prove our Philadelphian roots.

“What high school did you go to?” Really? That’s what you want to talk about? You’d think the discussion would go something like ...

“Isn’t it crazy that a bunch of us Philly people are in North Dakota - a seldom visited state which just so happens to be the place where Carson Wentz, the Eagles quarterback, comes from? What a small world!”.

Nope. They’re more interested in identifying the precise GPS coordinates of our childhood homes.

Bingo!

When people in South Dakota vouched for Fargo, we breathed a sigh of relief. We didn’t want to be the millionth people to rag on North Dakota for being boring. We were excited to provide a fresh take, to rebrand an oft-maligned state. But when we entered what was supposed to be a fun bar and saw everyone inside playing BINGO, we knew the place was fucked.

We want to be clear here. This was not a local watering hole on the edge of town catering to the elderly. This was a sports bar across from a   college catering to students. That place should’ve been rowdy as fuck. Instead, it had the energy of a hospice.

Here’s how boring the city is. Google ‘Fargo’ right now. The first FOUR results aren't even about the actual city -- they’re about the movie and TV series. Fiction is 4x more interesting than real life. The only overlap between fiction and reality is people actually want to throw themselves in a wood chipper.

You know a state’s got nothing going on when their big claim to fame is producing the most wheat in the US. Budweiser even had billboards boasting that their beer is brewed exclusively from ND wheat. That’s all well and good, but there’s not enough wheat in the world to produce enough beer to make you forget you’re in Fargo.

Showtime

We couldn’t find a lot of standup in Fargo, so we ended up hitting an open mic. As much shit as we talk on the city, we don’t have anything negative to say about the comics. They were all cordial and funny people. There were about 12 comedians who performed that night

The ‘stage’ at this mic was a cornhole table. If comedians chose to stand on it, they had to be mindful of where the hole was, lest they snap their ankles in half. As is standard at open mic, everyone got 5 minutes and the skill/experience range was all over the board. There were a few tables of non-comics who were amused or confused depending on the set.

Due to the low frequency of shows/mics, we decided to leave town.   Minneapolis was a relatively short drive and offered stage time nearly every night of the week. Although the Fargo was really fun, we knew it was time to move on. Leaving was tough, but we somehow managed to do it.