You got jokes, huh?

After a few shows in LA it was time to hit Hawaii. Hawaii was the first state we couldn’t reach by driving. Everyone kept asking “how are you gonna get the van to Hawaii?” and we’d take turns answering “We’ve gotta drive really fast”. When Dan C said it, it brought down the house. Whenever I said it, everyone hated it.

It was a reversal from younger days. I was always the kid with a sharp joke that would go unnoticed … until a more popular kid, realizing it was hilarious and no one heard it, would repeat the joke and send everyone into a fit of laughter.

Bon Voyage

People are far more concerned with the van than they are with us. Whenever we fly somewhere, the first question we get is never “How was your flight?” or “What’s new?” - it’s always “WHAT’D YOU DO WITH THE VAN?”. Everyone gets super worried for some reason - as if it’s a glittering Lamborghini full of diamonds and rubies.

The flight was great - the plane was an unshakable sky fortress that blasted through clouds and turbulence like an object that easily blasts through things.

Dan C is a nervous flyer, but he discovered that a bit of pre-flight drinking helped mitigate his anxiety. You heard it here first: alcohol helps you relax. Let’s keep that little secret between us. Who knows what would happen if word got out.

Aloha

We may be the first to say this, but Hawaii is beautiful. Truly. You can see the crystal blue water even before you land. As soon as you step off the plane, you’re no more than 10 minutes from a beach.

We were pressed for time on our first day. We got into Honolulu around 5 pm and had a show at 8. We had to zip across town to leave our stuff at the hotel, then dash back to the comedy club.

The first hotel was incredible. It was in an area called Ko Olina that had private lagoons, white sand beaches, fancy restaurants, and Cabana’s. Phrased another way, it was a place not at all suited for riff raff like us.

Unfortunately we could only afford to stay one night. Under normal circumstances even that would’ve been impossible, but we had a friend who worked for the hotel and got us a deal. The very next day we were back to our usual dingy hovel.

No worries

Everything was more chill in Hawaii. The pace was slow and ‘rules’ were more so a theoretical framework than something to be enforced. If they existed, no one paid attention. As an example, if you were to park in a ‘No Parking’ zone in Philly for a fraction of a second, you’d get a ticket. If you did the same thing in Hawaii, it’d be no stress. Move the car when you feel like it.

I don’t know why I’m circling back to parking but one time in Philly I found my car window busted and everything inside stolen. I then parked the car in front of my house to grab a trash bag and clean the broken glass. I was inside for MAYBE one minute and by the time I came back out, some hump was already writing me a ticket. That would never happen in Hawaii.

The hang

We said it before but we’ll say it again - hanging out with other comedians is one of the best parts of doing standup. We can’t explain why, but comedians develop a level of comfortability that takes months in any other relationship.

With comedians, it’d be a miracle to last a few hours before vicious barbs begin to fly. Comedians insult each other with impunity, and it’s so much fun. Anyone on the outside would interpret the digs as genuine malice, but it’s how comedians show affection.

We met several comics over the course of 5 days, and exchanging stories and finding commonalities was as fun as the shows themselves. One of the comedians we met had also done a US road trip, though smaller in scale. He and his brother made it through 20 states in a Honda Minivan before they were ready to kill each other.

People ask all the time “Aren’t you and Dan sick of each other?”, or say “You must be at each others throats”. Another comic even said "I'd bury my friend in a ditch in the desert if we spent that much time with together!". She was totally sane.

Close Quarters

It’s reasonable to assume we’d hate each other after spending so much time in close quarters, but the thing is this: we don’t spend any more time than necessary in the van. The van is basically for sleeping and transportation only - we rarely hang around inside. A typical day is: wake up, work at Panera or Starbucks until the afternoon, work out/shower at the gym, go to a comedy club, go to bed.

If we were confined to our 12’ x 7’ space 24 hours a day, we’d have murdered each other long ago. But we have our own space and solitude throughout most of the day, so it’s all good.

Stay a while

Another awesome thing about comedians is how open they are - especially when it comes to hospitality. When we were looking for a new place (after a night at the fleapit hotel), one of the comics immediately jumped in and offered her place. We barely knew each other, but the comedian bond was instant.

Staying with a fellow comic was a great stroke of luck -- not only could we talk comedy, but we got to tour the entire island and see places we’d’ve never visited on our own. She even took us to a local market with food trucks to try the local specialties. We tried garlic shrimp, stew, and all manner of SPAM dishes.

There were a lot of Japanese people in Oahu, and it’s always fun to hit them with some Japanese language. The shocked expressions never get old. I look like I only speak in ‘drunken sea chantey’, so when they hear Japanese coming out of my face, their minds explode.

After we got our food, we went to a picnic bench to eat. There were Japanese people on one side, and I asked “Do you mind if we sit at this table with you?” in Japanese and they looked like they literally saw a leprechaun ride a rainbow into a pot of gold.

The first thing people say when they find out I worked in China and Japan and speak the languages is “You must be a spy!”. Yep, of course. No one would know - I’d blend right in.

Can you imagine how conspicuous I would be as a spy in Asia ? I think rule number one in the spy handbook is ‘blend in’. I'm pale in a room full of albinos. I’d be as subtle as a samurai warrior trying to infiltrate the NSA.

Showtime

We checked out the comedy scenes in various islands and were most impressed by the shows put on by Comedy U in Oahu. Comedy U is run by two comedians who have awesome shows and also offer standup classes to newcomers. We contacted them a few weeks in advance and they invited us out for three shows.

We had a blast. At 15 minutes a pop, each set gave us the opportunity to stretch and explore new material. When we started doing standup, we only had 3 minute sets. Then 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 10 minutes, and so on. We were really grateful for the opportunity to push ourselves. The goal for any comedian is to do an hour - so whenever we have an opportunity to build toward that, we jump at it.

If you’re a comedy fan, you should definitely check out shows put on by Comedy U. They are in fun, lively environments with great local and traveling comedians. If you’re a comic looking to get some time, reach out to them. The guys who run it are are top notch fellas and they treat comedians right.

It’s been real

The first three days were dedicated to shows, but the last two days were strictly for beach bumming. When it was time to leave, we weren’t remotely ready. We sat on the beach until the last minute, nearly missing our flight in the process. We flew back into California and prepared for our next show in San Jose.