On the lookout

It took about seven hours to get from Phoenix to Albuquerque. We drove through the night and passed out at the first Planet Fitness we saw. We figured it wouldn’t be an issue - when have two guys in a camper van ever done any harm in Albuquerque?

Locals warned us to watch out for ‘lot lizards’. Anywhere else, the term ‘lot lizard’ refers to prostitutes that frequent truck stops, but in Albuquerque it was in reference to scaly, scabby meth-heads who steal from cars.

Our van looks like a standard cargo/work vehicle, so we weren’t concerned about potential thievery … until a local told us about someone calling 9/11 just to steal the ambulance. The thief needed a vehicle to drive around and score heroin. After that enchanting tale we decided to be more vigilant.

Faces of drugs

We often post up at Planet Fitness, Walmart, or laundromat parking lots, so we encounter a large volume of shady people. The types who would play extremely convincing extras as either “junkie” or “zombie”. Due to Breaking Bad, the reputation for ‘drug of choice’ in ABQ is meth.

Meth is a strange beast. It’s really the only drug where people crack up at the havoc it wreaks. There are countless videos out there with titles like “The Faces of Meth” where timelapse photos show users becoming hideously disfigured after long-term use. There’s usually even a studio audience laughing along, practically rolling in the aisles.

That’s why meth is special -- it somehow gets a pass with laughs. It’s a punchline. People have no qualms snickering at lives destroyed by meth, yet somehow it would be in poor taste if slideshows covered lives destroyed by pills. Also, addiction is a disease -- you wouldn’t see a “Faces of Cancer” video with a laugh track. But meth? Play it again!!.

Get up and move

Driving from city to city and working at a computer all day has made us pretty sedentary. Most of our time is spent sitting, so when we came across an article titled “Counteract too much sitting with this five minute trick”, we were intrigued. Until we read it.

Do you want to know what the trick is? Walking. That’s it. The trick to counteract too much sitting … is walking. We didn’t expect much from a clickbait article, but Jesus. That was really scraping the bottom of the barrel. It must have been part of a health tip series, preceded by “Not getting enough nutrients? Try nutrients!”

Showtime

The first show we did was at a downtown brewery. One of the hosts had a birthday and the comedians went all out. They gave everyone party hats, noise makers, and even took turns saying nice things about the guy. It was cool to see such a tight group - camaraderie like that doesn’t exist everywhere.

That night we stayed in a hotel and ordered some pizza. Dan was on the phone with the pizza place and they needed the address spelled out. We were on Turner street and Dan began “It’s Turner street. T as in Trayvon ….”

Of all the words beginning with T, the one used for clarification was Trayvon. It sounded like the beginning of the most woke acrostic poem in existence. I’m surprised he didn’t finish the spelling “U as in unfair treatment of minorities, R as in Racists are everywhere….”

We did anther brewery the next night and a local host liked our sets enough to put us on his monthly showcase. It was a great show -- at least 50 people were packed into a dense microbrewery to enjoy some laughs. It was a fun crowd and everyone did well.

When it was all over, we began the ride to Denver.